


Aggregate

by macrauchenia



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Family, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reunion, Romance, Suspense, Tags will be updated accordingly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2018-04-08 02:39:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4287612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macrauchenia/pseuds/macrauchenia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>

Aggregate <em>(n</em><em>oun) </em>- a whole formed by combining several (typically disparate) elements<br/>
[A collection of Tokyo Ghoul Oneshots]<br/>
</p><p>[Current Prompt: Tokyo Ghoul Drabble Collection Part II. 12 Drabbles that explore the relationship between Hide and Kaneki.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eet

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Not a thing. You guys should know the drill.
> 
>  **Author's Note:**  Alright, so like I mentioned earlier, I have a TOOOON of little plot drabbles (mainly involving Hide, but whateves) that may not be big enough to be their own story. Although this one was a good deal longer than the others, most will be just around a thousand or so words.
> 
>  **Individual Summary:** Haise wonders what his favorite song used to be.

* * *

**Eet**  
_It's like forgetting..._  
The words to your favorite song.  
_You can't believe it-you were always singing along._  
_-_ Regina Spektor

 

He's constantly surrounded by it, but he never stops to consider the role of music in his life.

In the morning, he can hear Mutsuki hum a soft tune under his breath as he wipes down the kitchen table.

During their afternoon break, he can hear Shirazu sing along loudly to the catchy American jingles from television ads.

Late at night, he can hear the garbled 8-bit music floating from Saiko's room while she plays her vintage video games.

However, the most obvious manifestation of music is through Urie.

He keeps his headphones permanently glue to his ears, pensively glaring out in the distance as his music plays. Sometimes Urie rests his headphones around his neck, nodding his head faintly as the tinny music pours out into the open.

Haise can't help but stare, wondering why the scene seems so familiar. As soon as Urie catches his superior's curious stare, he immediately returns his headphones to their rightful spot to keep his music to himself, leaving Haise frustrated and confused. He wants to ask Urie to keep the headphones around his neck longer to jog his memory, but he knows the request is far too strange—even for him.

After unsuccessfully trying to bury the overwhelming sense of déjà vu for the third time that week, Haise musters up his courage—really, Urie's just a moody teenager; he doesn't know why he's so nervous—and asks him what he's listening to.

As expected, he looks startled by Haise's personal question, but he quickly masks his surprise with his trademark monotonous frown. Still, he answers Haise with a sluggish shrug, pulling his headphones down and leaving them resting around his neck. He even adds the name of the artist after another lengthy pause.

Haise nods enthusiastically. Although he has no idea who that particular performer is, he's excited to finally have a conversation with his subordinate that's more than a few syllables and not related to ghouls.

"Is that your favorite song?" he continues, fueled by the slow momentum. Haise can barely hear the crackled vocals of the performer, though he can't make out the lyrics.

Urie shoots him a strange look with one eye squinted as he studies Haise.

"Favorite?" he scoffs, tugging the headphones back over the soft flesh of his ears. Haise can't quite figure out the tone behind the word, but he's missed his chance. Urie returns to his blank staring, leaving Haise with a new question.

 _Favorite? Do_ I  _have a favorite song?_

Haise frowns openly, not caring that Urie sits only a few feet away, most likely lamenting the fact that he's stuck with an insane superior with unnatural facial contortions.

 _Of course. I_ have _to have a favorite song. Everyone does, right?_

He thinks back to Mutuski's hushed humming and Shirazu's loud yodeling in the shower each morning. Even Saiko aggressively defends the station when certain songs come on the radio while they drive.

 _Everyone has a favorite song,_ he confirms.  _I…I just can't think of mine at the moment. But it doesn't mean I don't have one,_ he hastily adds.

Haise hesitates before posing another question.

 _Did_ he _use to have a favorite song too? Before?_

He decides he no longer wants to think about music anymore.

* * *

Although Haise knows his ward nearly as well as the back of his hand, he realizes that he's never really taken notice of the tiny music store on the corner of one the minor intersections. He considers the shop's front window, heavily plastered by neon signs and glossy posters from the latest international superstars. His narrowed eyes roam across the bright colors and catchy phrases until they begin to blur together in an explosion of commercialized excitement.

He's already overstimulated visually just by standing at the front door. He feels a bit apprehensive to enter the store, knowing that his other senses, particularly his tender auditory nerves, will be similarly assaulted.

 _This seems more of a place for Shirazu,_ he muses, sparing another glance at the life-sized, grinning pop star in the window.  _I wouldn't expect Urie to like it that much here either._

However, curiosity eventually wins out. Haise takes a deep breath, grabs the cool metal door handle, and slips inside the building.

Instead of being immediately bowled over by loud, blaring music—with the violent, muffled music that pulses from Shirazu's  _soundproofed_  room, he can only expect the worst—Haise fears he may have gone deaf from the equally jarring silence. After a moment of wide-eyed waiting in the air-conditioned storefront, he exhales as a new song begins, gradually filling the shop with calm, muted instrumentals.

Thoroughly pleased by the calmer turn of the events, he casually wanders through the decorated aisles of the music shop. Haise firmly believes that he's never stepped foot in this store; however, he can't fight the recurring sensation of déjà vu as he rounds certain corners, almost as if he's looking for someone from another lifetime.

_Maybe looking for a ghost._

Although he's only been there for a few minutes, it feels like he has spent hours in the store, glancing from album cover to cover. The wide variety of genres and artists astounds him; he can hardly believe there are so many types of music in the world.

 _So_ that's _why Urie scoffed when I asked about his favorite song. There are just too many to have a favorite,_ he concludes, hoping that his deduction is correct and Urie hadn't actually been laughing at him.

Thinking back to their conversation, Haise frowns faintly as he struggles to remember the name of Urie's artist.

_Was it…? No. Hmm…_

_Oh! Wait! That's it!_

Proud of his memory, Haise breathes a triumphant "aha" before ducking behind another row of shelves. He didn't have the chance to hear Urie's music earlier and he hopes he can find it here.

 _Who knows,_ he reasons.  _Maybe then we could have something to talk about._ It's an overly ambitious plan, especially considering their former track record with conversations and Haise's debilitating lack of musical knowledge. However, he uses it as an excuse to stay in the music store a little while longer.

After a fruitless search through the international records, Haise nearly gives up with a distressed groan. He glances towards the main counter, but his sigh only grows louder when the employee disappears through a labeled door.

_I guess there's just nothing left to do here._

"Yo! Can I help you?"

Startled by the sudden request, Haise utters a little squawk of surprise and lurches towards the voice, knocking a row of albums from their shelf with a flying elbow.

"Oh, crap! Sorry for scaring you, man. Here, let me—"

Haise blinks at the flash of gold and red as it bends down to pick up the dropped CDs. With another belated apology, Haise drops down to his knees and scrambles to pick up the remaining cases. Their fingers brush as they reach for the last CD and Haise panics, immediately thinking of Saiko's cheesy, romantic American films. He jerks his head up, feeling the soft molding of flesh against his skull as he collides with the other man's upper cheek. The cases in the stranger's arms slip from his grasp and clatter to the ground as he backs up with a surprised grunt of pain.

Haise ducks his reddening face and apologizes profusely to the scattered cases while he gathers them into a disorderly stack. He slowly rises to a standing position and peeks up at the other man. The man, Haise notices, has a vibrant shock of blond hair. He assumes the man has chestnut eyes, though he isn't completely sure, since one hand covers up his upper cheek and left eye and the right eye is partially squeezed shut from the pain.

His uninjured eye lands on Haise and widens. Haise can't help but return the stare, shivering faintly when he only can see one curious eye. There's something unnerving about the stranger's amused smile, as if being painfully head-butted in the middle of a music store was on his day's schedule.

Haise can't tell if it's because he senses his unease or for another reason, but the stranger slowly pulls his hand from his eye. His fingertips gradually graze the rising red spot on his cheekbone before dropping to his side.

"Oww… I bet that'll bruise." He shoots Haise a lopsided flash of his teeth.

Suddenly aware of the crinkling plastic of the cases in his hands, Haise quickly turns back to the shelf. "I'm sorry," he echoes lamely, haphazardly shoving cases in empty slots. "I shouldn't have…hit you in the face."

"It's my fault," the stranger counters with a sheepish laugh. "I shouldn't have startled you." The hand that had previously covered his eye tucks itself behind his neck. "How about we start over?"

Haise gives him a faint smile and a bob of his head.

The blond grins wider. "Excellent. Then, can I help you with something?"

Haise is tempted to politely shake his head and refuse, but he pauses and considers his original mission. "I'm…actually looking for a particular artist," he admits after another moment of internal debate. He mentions the name and the other man nods with a knowing hum.

"I know exactly where their music is. Do you happen to listen to them?" he casually throws over his shoulder as he disappears between two shelves. Haise quickly follows, determined not to lose his guide.

They stop in front of another shelf, covered in cases with dark, frightening covers. Haise frowns before reaching towards the tamest CD.

"No, not really. At least not yet."

The blond arches a curious eyebrow. "I don't quite follow."

Haise explains the situation, how he's trying to connect with his stubborn subordinate through music, which the other takes great joy in hearing about.

"Wow, you're still you…" he mumbles under his breath.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, I wonder if you'll still think it's worth it. They're a pretty intense group."

Haise shrugs. He genuinely doesn't know and the album cover slightly frightens him. "It may not be my forte," he smiles toothily, "but I'll give it a shot."

The blond groans appropriately at the poor pun, but Haise sees something encouraging in his chestnut gaze. It makes him want to continue the conversation, but he knows he's only wasting the other's time.

"I'm sorry again about earlier," he sighs, deciding he really should be going instead of making jokes in an empty music shop. "But thank you again for your help, uh—" Haise's eyes shift to the blank spot on the man's red jacket where a name tag would conventionally go.

The blond's gaze travels with it and he gives a little start. "Oh, whoops! Must've lost it again," he chuckles, confirming Haise's suspicions that he's an employee. He considers Haise for a moment, something flinty passing through his warm expression. "My name—it's Nagachika."

"Thank you again, Nagachika-san," he repeats.

"You can call m—" Nagachika breaks off before he can finish his initial sentence. "You don't have to be so formal," he amends. "I mean, after literally colliding, it couldn't hurt to be a bit more casual."

Haise's smile grows and he forgets about the spark of steel. He turns towards the direction of the counter to pay, but Nagachika's impulsive hand snags his jacket. His fingers immediately drop from Haise's clothes, but the latter still turns to see what he wants.

"Uh, I was just wondering if you needed anything else? I mean, the store's pretty dead," he smiles reassuringly at Haise, "so you wouldn't be wasting my time or anything."

Haise considers his offer, drifting back to his previous dilemma regarding his favorite song. He hesitates before he answers.

"I've been meaning to look for some new music," he begins cautiously.

"Alright then! What do you like to listen to already?" His brown eyes crinkle in amusement. "It's not like I have any clue."

 _Well, that makes two of us then._ Haise purses his lips in a contemplative pucker.

"Uhm…"

He feels his face flush for the second time that day and he almost regrets asking Nagachika for help.

_Just say something! What does Shirazu always listen to? Say that._

However, before he can blurt out the first mortifying thing that comes to mind, Nagachika quickly interrupts with a breezy chuckle.

"Wait a second—if you already know what you like, then you can't really branch out, can you?" Haise merely nods, grateful to have a few more moments to come up with a better response than "uh."

"How about I just let you listen to a few samples? Maybe one of the songs will spark your interest."

A tentative smile stretches across Haise's lips. He likes the sound of that.

* * *

For at least an hour, Haise allows Nagachika to drag him throughout the store. The unfamiliar sounds and names would usually bore him; however, he finds it impossible to grow tired of the employee's overjoyed expression as he babbles excitedly about music. Something about his grin is purely infectious. Haise finds himself laughing and nodding in response, even though he's often clueless about their conversation's subject matter.

"Just like old times, huh?"

"What?" Haise jerks in surprise at the jarring question.

Without breaking stride, Nagachika meets Haise's wide stare before glancing back to the shelves. "Music can bring back memories," he explains casually, picking through several CD cases. "That's part of why I love it so much. It helps me remember things that I had forgotten long ago."

He sighs gustily as he flips over a CD before setting it to the side. "I used to drag my best friend around this place for hours. He probably hated it, but he still came with me each time I asked. We'd do the same thing with the bookstore down the street. The bookstore, the music store—I guess it was just our thing." Although Nagachika smiles at the fond recollection, his distant gaze seems a bit melancholy.

Haise has so many questions— _why did he use past tense just then—_ but he holds them back for the sake of being polite. After all, Nagachika is still some random employee he has just met. They have no previous history to speak of, apart from literally bumping into each other in a music shop.

"Ahh, sorry for dumping that on you. That's a bit embarrassing," Nagachika gives a weak chuckle while scratching at the ghostlike impression of a bruise on his cheek.

He immediately buries his attention in skimming the back of another case for track numbers. Haise takes a moment to study him without fear of being caught.

 _It must be nice,_  he contemplates, glancing from Nagachika's eager, roving eyes and his parted lips as he mouths each song title.  _To have something to love so dearly. I'm a bit jealous._

Haise has his books and his teammates, certainly. He even has the periodic chance to discuss both of them with Arima.

_But I can't drag Arima on an hour stroll through the bookstore to point out my favorite authors. He doesn't have that sort of time to waste._

He glances back to Nagachika's radiant smile and tilts his head slightly.

_All that passion can't just be for music. He did just mention the bookstore—_

Before he can ask if Nagachika also enjoys reading, the latter releases a triumphant crow while spinning back to face Haise.

"I found it!"

"Found what…?" Haise echoes slowly, startled the unrestrained laugh that explodes from the other's open lips.

"Just the perfect song. My best friend really loved it, so I bet you will too!"

Haise dips his head and allows Nagachika to slip the sample headphones over his ears. He listens in a thoughtful silence as the melody and words flood over him. Nagachika watches him with an indescribable expression, mixed with equal parts of enthusiasm, hope, and apprehension.

Haise has never wanted to enjoy a song more than in that moment.

"So? Did you absolutely love it?" Nagachika's eager grin makes Haise's gut twist tighter when he pulls the headphones from his ears.

He wishes the song could have physically knocked him to his knees and brought tears in his eyes. After all, that appears to be the expected reaction, judging by Nagachika's pleading expression.

However, to Haise, the song seems painfully, horribly ordinary with no particularly memorable lyric line or tune. He can't bear to tell Nagachika this, so he forces a wide smile to stretch across his lips.

"I really loved it! It's perfect!" Haise gushes, skirting the edge of his chin with slender fingers.

Nagachika's sunny expression falters and Haise wonders where he made his mistake.

"I'm glad…"

Keeping his downcast stare away from Haise, Nagachika carefully puts the CD case back on the shelf. For the first time, there is a lull in their conversation as Haise tries to figure out how to apologize for not liking a song.

_That's ridiculous. So what if I didn't really like it? It shouldn't mean anything._

Haise swallows and glances at the chrome clock above the checkout counter. He's been in the music store for nearly two hours.

 _I have to get back home to make the Quinx's dinner,_ he adds, faintly grateful for the chance to excuse himself from the awkward silence.

"Thank you again for your help," he begins, "but I have to go home and make dinner for my team."

Nagachika's bright grin returns, melting away the icy tension in their stalled conversation.

"It was no problem!" Nagachika's enticing chuckle bubbles from his throat as his chestnut eyes crinkle in delight. "I should probably apologize for boring you to death with all that music."

Haise offers him a genuine smile, because in all honesty, he rather enjoyed himself. "No, I really liked it. I never knew there was so much music out there."

Nagachika shrugs with another furtive flick of the upper lip. "Well, I guess you never know what's out there until you actually look for it," he answers cryptically.

"I think you might be right."

He seems to like this response, but he doesn't explain why. Instead, Nagachika excuses himself with a polite nod of his head. "I should probably let you check out. See you later, Haise!" He waves at Haise with a flap of his wrist before turning towards the door. Haise is too busy waving back to realize he never introduced himself.

Haise watches his disappearing back and hears the outside door open and close before glancing towards the CD racks. He grabs the same disc Nagachika had put back only moments earlier and tucks it next to the other one in the crook of his elbow.

 _Maybe Urie might like it,_  he reasons. However, he secretly hopes that if he gives the song another chance, he might finally see what Nagachika loves so much about it.

Haise sets the two cases on the counter and hums absently as the cashier totals up his order.

"Did you find everything you needed?"

"Yes, I did. Thank you," Haise smiles widely, considering his previous conversation with Nagachika. "Nagachika-san was an excellent help. You must be grateful that he works here."

"Nagachika-san…?" The cashier blinks before breaking out into loud peals of laughter. "Oh, you must mean Hide-kun! He doesn't work here, but he probably should with all that knowledge. He's always trying to get customers to buy certain albums," she continues, eyes landing on Kaneki's second item.

_That's strange. I could have sworn he introduced himself as an employee. No matter. I must have misheard him then._

Haise drops the needed number of coins in her palm and thanks the cashier again for her assistance.

As he leaves the music store, he thinks back to his original goal. He remembers Urie's scoff about having a favorite song. He remembers Nagachika's unrestrained enthusiasm as he had gushed about his favorite songs and artists. He remembers the way he wanted so desperately to love the same song that Nagachika's friend had loved.

He remembers the liquid sunshine that dripped from Nagachika's voice, far more vivid and alive than any of the scratchy recordings.

He may not have found his favorite song, but he thinks he may have found his favorite sound.

( _Seriously?_ Haise wants to roll his eyes at the blatant, if not accurate cliché.)

( _And you wonder why the Quinx say you embarrass them…_ )


	2. Drabbles I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Not a thing!
> 
>  **Author's Note:**  Long time no see, huh? Sorry for my absence. I've been participating in NanoWrimo (well, more like falling behind, but I digress), so most of my writing time has been consumed with an original work. Since I recently hit a horrible writer's block, I decided to do the Song Drabble Challenge for Tokyo Ghoul to kind of get the creative juices flowing again. Basically, I just played the first 20 songs on my computer and wrote little drabbles inspired by each before the song ends. They're not very polished, so I apologize beforehand for any glaring errors. Enjoy!
> 
> Also, there's a variety of characters from Tokyo Ghoul and :Re, but no major spoilers for anything. Also, I may do a part two if you guys enjoy this, 'cause it was really fun to do. I feel like I focused on certain characters more than I should have (//cough  _Kaneki_  cough), so the next batch would explore more obscure ones. 

* * *

**Till My Heart Stops** [Too Far Moon]

A beat of silence.

A rabbit-like heartbeat echoes loud and alone in the black night.

_(Scared. So, so scared.)_

A sharp breath, taunt and stinging until melting into a relieved sob and airy laughter, ghostlike and wispy in the frozen night.

Finally, another thud, dull and sluggish before gaining strength. Kaneki's never heard such a beautiful sound before.

.

 **Dollhouse** [Melanie Martinez]

Mothers and fathers. Friends and enemies.

They all pass in and out of her life as quickly as she can cut out the paper dolls to replace them. She's even learned how to make different shapes and sizes, creating new faces from the pages of her manuscript.

She makes her dolls dance until their edges crease and tear, playing with them until they become nothing more than tinder for the fire.

 _Such a wonderful cast of characters_ , she congratulates herself.

.

 **War** [Former Vandal]

_Am I the strongest?_

_I_ am _the strongest._

He screams and writhes and begs and cries—he feels nothing and he suffers because he knows he should at least feel something and the empti— _and why can't it just stop?_

_(You aren't the strongest.)_

_The strongest doesn't need help. If you need help, you can't be the strongest._

( _God_ , does he need the help.)

.

 **Serial Killer**  [Lana del Rey]

She isn't sure why she risks so much for  _him._ There's no reason for spending days at the dusty old coffee shop, knowing that the employees circling her with plastic smiles could easily put her out of "business."

However, the risk and wasted time all seem worth it, especially when the pure horror disfigures his features so beautifully as he realizes his heartbeats are numbered.

She hardly cares about little schoolboy crushes—but this kind of crush? The kind where every bone crunches and the screams crescendo into song?

She certainly loves those.

.

 **You'll Be in My Heart** [Phil Collins]

Haise often wonders what it would feel like to be held by someone who loved him unconditionally. Hell, he doesn't even  _know_  what it feels like to be held in something more soothing than a grappling attack.

He often thinks about  _him_  and the life he had. He wonders if  _he_ ever had something like the embrace of a mother or father, a brother or friend, to keep him warm and safe.

(Haise doesn't think so. If someone had been able to keep him from harm,  _he_  wouldn't have become the monster that lurks in the shadows of his mind.)

(Haise wants a family too, but he can't look backwards for it.)

.

 **For Blue Skies** [Strays Don't Sleep]

Haise stands on the street corner, watching as faceless strangers pass by. He used to pay closer attention, picking out a flamboyant jacket or a flash of blond hair, because they once meant something to him.

Perhaps he used to know them at some time; perhaps they were always strangers.

The details of their features start to slip, leaving him with nothing but fragments of a memory he dares not trust. Cars pass and days go by, blurring the seconds into minutes and minutes into years.

Now he doesn't even bother to smile, because there's no point trying to revive old ghosts.

.

 

 **Circus Apocalypse** [Vermillion Lies]

Uta lives on the high wire.

He thrives on the sounds of screams—some of joy, more of terror—and spotlight-born shadows that conceal their masks until the final act.

Most of all, he loves the shameless guilt of his audience as they wait with baited breath for one false step. It's the show of a lifetime, but the tickets are already sold out.

His muscles shake from the strain as he teeters above the ravenous lions with their canines glinting in the strobe lights, but,  _god,_ is it fun.

(And doesn't everyone deserve to have fun?)

.

 **Mars** [Sleeping at Last]

She grows weary of fighting, but the blood and bruises are all she's ever known. Even if she could quit, she wouldn't know how to turn her fists into offered palms with fingers eager to caress instead of scratch.

With all that she's lost, Touka knows she can never afford to quit fighting.

The only way to escape means she would have to escape life as well. She can't do that—not when she has too many things to keep fighting for.

.

 **A Guy Like You** [Hunchback of Notre Dame Soundtrack]

Hide takes his role as Kaneki's wingman very seriously. When Kaneki starts to fret, Hide clasps his shoulders and shakes him firmly, as if trying to physically rattle the doubt from his mind.

"Dude, she might completely change your life! You never know unless you go on that date—which if she still like you after such a boring night, then you probably found a keeper. The fact that she even  _agreed_  to go to the bookstore must be a good sign, right?"

Kaneki smiles tentatively back, unsure if Hide's words loosened or tightened the apprehensive knot in his gut.

.

 **Happy** [Marina and the Diamonds]

There are some moments when he's truly happy.

He manages to brush away the guilt and fear and emptiness for just a few moments, uncovering a life he's always wanted to live. It's warm and comforting, like the sun peeking through the clouds after a storm.

He tries to enjoy these moments for  _his_  sake, because they both deserve a little happiness.

.

 **Holding on and Letting Go** [Ross Copperman]

Hide never realized how much it would hurt to see his best friend again.

He has to keep a straight face, nonchalant and distant, when he passes him on the street. He does his best, staring off in the distance as Kaneki drifts past him, blessing strangers with the laugh that used to belong only to him.

When he disappears amongst the faceless crowd, Hide laughs and laughs until the tears trail down his cheek, but he can't stop laughing. It's so damn _funny_  that Kaneki's about to slip from his life and he's going to let him, because for the first time he's better off on his own and Hide can't bear to be a selfish hindrance anymore.

.

 **Short Hair** [Mulan Soundtrack]

She doesn't know the exact moment she hardened, but it didn't happen overnight. Sprouts of bamboo didn't shoot up and fatally impale her childish naivety while she slept. Rather, the cause was more like weeds, creeping up around her knees while she was too busy playing and ignoring death.

No, she can't quite pinpoint the moment when the transformation happened. She doesn't know if she would have stopped it or not, but the notion of not having a choice is agonizing.

Touka absently plays with the frayed tips of her hair. At least it's her decision to cut off a few dead ends.

.

 **In the End** [Linkin Park]

_It's so cold…_

Such a stupid thought to waste time on, especially when he could be dwelling on all of his regrets and failures. He could be thinking of the pain, of the goodbyes he never got to say. He could be reliving the few moments of happiness he had before life so cruelly snatched them away.

But all he can think about is the soft, quiet snowflakes, landing on his tearstained cheek like kisses from a long forgotten lullaby. He can't recall the tune, but it lulls him to sleep nonetheless.

.

 **Lullabies** [Yuna]

Hide loops his warm, sweaty fingers around Kaneki's, giggling as he drags him towards the deserted park. Kaneki follows, because—well, what else can he do? Their breath mingles in the frosty air and Kaneki feels the sparks dance across his knuckles.

Haise's fingers seem to be perpetually frozen, not matter how many pairs of gloves he pulls on or how many times he jabs at the buttons on his thermostat.

.

 **Uneven Odds** [Sleeping at Last]

Urie used to keep photographs of his family on the wall. After all, it's the human thing to do, isn't it? Remember and avenge those who have been taken away.

Now those photographs are gone with the only remnants being spots of chipped paint where the pictures had been ripped away too suddenly.

(It's the human thing to do, isn't it? Conceal your weaknesses, because gods and ghouls don't bleed.)

.

 **Control** [Halsey]

What is pain? What is pleasure?

Did you used to feel it? Did you used to feel anything?

_(What a silly question.)_

What's one thousand minus seven?

_(So silly, so silly.)_

_(Does it hurt? No, no, not anymore. Not ever again.)_

_Noro,_ they call me.

_(Such a silly name.)_

_._

**Formidable Marinade** [Mikelangelo and the Black Sea Gentlemen]

Uta can't say he's surprised they found one another. Her hair, gleaming like freshly spilt blood under the bar lights, was the beacon that drew him to the flame. He's nothing more than an intoxicated and powerless moth, drunk on the wine red glow of her crinkled eyes, but he's fine with that.

He knows that the carnage created by fire and chaos is the most twisted, most devastating kind. It's well worth the wait.

.

 **No Angels** [Bastille ft. Ella]

 _Ghosts can't curse the living_ , he screams again and again as Rize drapes herself over his trembling shoulders and mimics his mother's strained, hoarse laugh.

The sound hurts almost as much as the scissors she uses to cut him apart like one of her paper flowers.

Kaneki can't hate his own mother, even when she's to blame for tearing him into a million pieces and stitching him back together in a thousand different ways of wrong.

.

 **Not One of Us (Deception)** [Lion King II Soundtrack]

Saiko and Mutsuki stand on either side of him, watching with solemn, accusing eyes. Shirazu has his head tilted, hands planted on his cocked hips as he stares down at Urie. Urie says nothing to defend his actions; his intent was clear when he undertook the secretive operation.

Despite the injections and the ranking difference, he wonders when the pointy-tooth bastard actually managed to beat him.

.

 **Savages**  [Marina and the Diamonds]

Hinami grew up on stories brimming with monsters and princesses. It had been so easy to point out the dragons in the storybooks, covered in glimmering scales that were oh so obvious in the sunlight.

Onii-chan was the wizard, smart enough tell the difference; Onee-chan was the knight, strong enough to slay any dragon that flew too close to their castle.

Once upon a time, the dragon wore white and carried a briefcase. He fooled them all and every last one of them burned.


	3. Drabbles: Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as a fervent HideKane supporter, I figured I would add a few more song-inspired drabbles to this dusty work while I'm waiting for the next TG:re chapter to finally give me that reunion I've been craving for 84 years.
> 
> I've reordered the drabbles to be chronological, but they were all super quick, so don't judge me too hard :') They all focus on Hide, Kaneki, or them together, but nothing is excessively shippy (apart from one or two). Enjoy!

 

* * *

**Mrs. Darcy**  [Dario Marianelli]

Trees blur into streaks of emerald, the city shrinking as the train speeds away. Kaneki watches the world disappear in colorful streaks, fingers and nose pressed up against the cool glass. It's the first time since his mother's death that he's left Tokyo. An hour passes and Kaneki slumps against Hide's shoulder, lulled to sleep by the train's gentle rocking.

Hide buries his smile in Kaneki's hair. This trip will be good for the both of them.

.

 **September**  [Earth, Wind & Fire]

Hide grabs Kaneki with a looped arm around the shoulder, grinning as he announces that's it's finally over between him and Kiko-chan. Kaneki stutters an apology, but Hide waves it off with a shake of the head, a motion so vigorous that is rattles Kaneki too.

"Nah, turns out I wasn't that into her after all. It's just you and me again."

Kaneki thinks Hide might be taking his recent breakup a little too lightly, but really, what does he know about relationships?

.

 **Learn to Do It (Waltz Reprise)** [Anastasia Soundtrack]

Hide decides that he needs to teach Kaneki how to dance, a skill that neither of them have any experience with. He cites it as a necessary requirement for maintaining a love life, but seeing as neither of them have been on a date for months, Kaneki remains unconvinced.

Needless to say, the experiment quickly crumbles in chaos.

Hide discovers that he has  _three_  left feet, while Kaneki gets embarrassingly dizzy when Hide spins him around too fast. Despite the fluttering stomachs and nervous giggles and apologies, Kaneki realizes he feels less queasy when he leans closer to Hide, even though it brings his poor feet closer to the "stomping zone." Hide's erratic jerks slow and they sway in a peaceful tandem.

Despite his earlier apprehension Kaneki finds it soothing, like an elongated hug and he's reluctant to pull away when the music stops.

.

 **Rubik's Cube** [Athlete]

He was fifteen when he finally figured it out. Each girl he teased, each ridiculous date he stumbled through with flirtatious smiles and meaningless winks. It all felt hollow and boring, like a chore or a choreographed dance he lost all passion for. He quickly realized his favorite part of each "date" was complaining to Kaneki afterward, relishing in the quietly relieved expression on his best friend's face.

 _Holy shit,_ Hide breathed, feeling the color drain from his face.

It seemed like the only logical response to realizing that he was in love with his best friend. He wasn't even that surprised, but…. _wow_.

(It sure as hell explained a lot.)

.

 **What the Water Gave Me**  [Florence and the Machine]

A tsunami strikes the southern coast of Japan. In a dry monotone, the reports claim that it's comparatively weak, resulting in only a few casualties, but that does little to reassure Kaneki as he watches the situation unfurl. His eyes linger on the footage, videos of towering waves and angry clouds swirling above. He imagines what it would feel like to be swept away, yanked under by the rippling currents. Lungs of fire, struggling to fight free. Finally feeling nothing.

When Hide suggests they go to the coast for summer break, Kaneki immediately changes the subject. He's selfish and won't let the waves have  _him._

**.**

**Conquest of Spaces**  [Woodkid]

Kaneki reminds him of a solar eclipse. Hide knows he's there—hell, he can  _see_  him, bustling on the opposite side of the dark mahogany counter—but then the shadows lengthen and Hide feels like he's alone again. He would do anything to pull Kaneki back into his life. He imagines reaching over the counter and tugging him close, knocking away coffee stained napkins and porcelain mugs with a flick of his extending elbow.

But he doesn't—he can't. Instead, he settles for a gut-twisting sensation of being stranded, cut loose and discombobulated. No matter how hard he tries to claw his way back to Kaneki, each frenzied movement only propels him further away. Kaneki keeps moving faster and faster, caught up in another orbit. Hide can't follow him, as much as he wants to.

.

 **Staying** [Koda]

Shrugging off his CCG jacket was the hardest and easiest decision he had ever made.

Despite the searing pain and the ripping  _squelch_ as his flesh left his face, Hide knew that his choice had been the right one. Tears leaked from his eyes, mixing in the hot blood that dribbled down his chin and dissipated in the lazy sewer water flowing past. He laid there in the silence, clasping the tattered ribbons of his throat in his hands. He would never be whole again.

But what did it matter, as long as he had his best friend?

.

 **To Be Apart** [Adrian Johnston]

Haise has never been in love, but he discovers what a broken heart feels like. Each morning he must swipe away the salty crust that pools in the corner of his eyes. He first believed he was mourning for a life he couldn't remember, at least until he began to remember his dreams. He's always reaching for a disappearing figure, arms propped behind the neck in a casual, achingly familiar pose. A windy field of sunflowers. A dank sewer.

Haise brushes away the latest tear stain with his upper arm.

(Maybe it's just allergies.)

.

 **Creep**  [Postmodern Jukebox Cover]

Hide makes a near-fatal miscalculation when he assumes that he's ready to come face to face with a certain Sasaki Haise. When Haise enters the briefing room, neck angled backwards to laugh at a joke from Akira. Hide stumbles, tripping over his damn slipper (in hindsight, it didn't seem like such a good idea, but already saddled with the itchy, hot mask, he wasn't about to sacrifice any more comforts). Marude gives him a strange look, but it's nothing compared to the questioning, curious frown Haise tosses his way.

Hide squeezes his eyes shut, urging the blood to leave his flush, even though no one else can see it. He wishes he could rip the mask off and declare to the world what's been trapped in his chest for ten  _years_ , but he gingerly brushes against the scar tissue around his neck.

He can say nothing.

.

 **Bones of a Rabbit**  [Young Heretics]

"You know he can't remember you." Furuta flips a hand, practically giddy under Hide's flat glare. "I don't know why you're going to all this trouble for some  _half_ -blind,  _half_ -witted half-ghoul."

"There  _must_  be some other reason," Furuta circles Hide like a raptor, searching for a clue he might have missed.

This feels like a scene from one of his old American movies when the hero swallows audibly under duress, but Hide keeps his visible expression blank and his throat concealed. It's the damning piece of evidence that Furuta craves.

Furuta's eyes light up when Hide averts his gaze.

"Ahaha… So  _that's_  why."

.

 **Atrophy**  [The Antlers]

 _This isn't real_ , he reminds himself.

He's bleeding and dying and  _god does it hurt—why can't it all be over_ , but Hide is in front of him and Kaneki realizes he can hold on for a few seconds more, if only to catch the words he's been aching to hear for years. Hide laughs with a light twinkling sound, a sound that Kaneki has chased relentlessly each time he closed his eyes at night.

He's so tired, but Kaneki realizes that maybe he can hold on a few moments longer. Just long enough to hear those familiar words.

.

 **To Build a Home** [The Cinematic Orchestra]

"Yo, Kaneki. It's nice to have you back."

Hide's voice is strange—mechanical and stilted—and a scarf conceals the lower part of his face, but it all disappears behind a shimmering, filmy curtain of tears. Before Hide gets the chance to speak again, Kaneki buries his face into Hide's shoulder with heaving, wet sobs.

Whatever badass remark Hide has spent years planning withers on his tongue and he reflexively wraps his arms around Kaneki's trembling form. Now he's blubbering like a lunatic and they both look ridiculous, but Kaneki keeps laughing and crying and tightening his grip on Hide because he's finally home and he's never going to let go.

Hide can't reach his voice box through Kaneki's crushing embrace, but he feels like the sentiment can go without being said aloud.

_Welcome home, Kaneki._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is interested in hearing me scream about Hide and Kaneki, feel free to message me and I'll rant forever. Thanks for reading!


End file.
